I can’t say I planned on sharing the moment I’m about to share publicly, likely because in doing so I feared it would lose its wonder. And it will take two posts and not one, but I promise if you stay along, you too will be awed, and maybe even respond with an, “OMG!” But before we get to that day, specifically May 10th, 2018, we need to travel back to the bookend of this moment, May 10th, 2017–the day I almost gave up on living. That day.

The day God intervened with words to my daughter, ones she “heard” in her room that night, “Go in there with her.”

Her being me. “She is going to hurt herself.” I am not sure if she actually heard these words also, or it more of an internal revelation or impression from within, that this is the likely outcome outside of an intervention.

The words she heard that evening sounded like her dad. At first she didn’t respond, but just stood there in shock. Until she heard them again. “Go in there.”

It is in this moment I promise God I will not give up.

Each morning I met God with Bible (the one that was left anonymously on my doorstep days before his death), pencil and lit candle nearby to rekindle a desire to live.

During this year, I experienced encounters that were hardly believable had I not experienced them myself.

One day though, one I hoped for something monumental, instead was met with silence: April 29, 2018.

…

The one year anniversary of Bill’s death I asked for a moment so special, something I could hold onto, and move forward at the same time. Instead, I was met with silence.

I comment in my journal on the quiet of that day, “Maybe it’s better this way. Hold tight to the moments I’ve had over the last year, moments when so filled of grief, God gave me glimpses of him to settle my heart from breaking in two. Maybe a moment would bring me down, and not move me forward to new life…new frontiers. I don’t know. It just makes me sad.”

…

Little did I know that the day HE answers my request is not the anniversary of his death, but the one year anniversary of my promise to live…

May 10th, 2018.

Until tomorrow…