The 50^th birthday party sits circled on the calendar for this weekend. No, not mine. That was last year, and without hardy any fanfare. A friends. No, a close friend. Still, I feel anxiety creep up, and in, and seep away my contentment. And it is still two days away.

I know it is difficult to be at functions like this–to make it through with hours of small talk and such will likely suck away my energy reserves, before I can leave and deem it a success. 

Just picture your exit at the end. 

It likely has little to do with the event, but all to do with his absence. You know this. He is not here to accompany you, and you’ve developed this strange fear in the void that if left unaddressed, will grow and take over more territory.

And since you can’t numb it with something beforehand, you need to go all in, with all of you there.

But, how about this–you enjoy yourself.

No one is going to jump on your back and pull you under as if you are in deep water—you are not really suffocating. 

It is a party. Socialization. Plain. Simple. 

You got this. Besides, you are getting your hair done today, and you have a new outfit. 

Anticipate the party, not dread its arrival. 

Now go out and enjoy today.