In the Middle of Alcohol-Free (Days 12 & 13)
Simple, be gentle with yourself.
My emotions are raw. I’m on the edge. I have a party tonight, and likely it’s nothing to do with the get together as much as I need to break through the wall—the wall that feels encroaching, about to suffocate me.
I’ve accomplished nothing but battle the voices, with little success. I’m on the verge of giving up, the feeling like, what’s the point?
Why so doom and gloom?
I know social functions set me off, especially since Bill died.
You can do this. One hour.
There was something I read yesterday about lawn care, and to “listen” to its whispers, to pay attention to them because they are likely speaking.
Like if it is always burnt in a section, then find another alternative. Instead of the same grass, which withers and dies, only to lay it, and dry out and scorch again.
Listen to my whispers today.
Am I fighting this battle, and I need another alternative, say ignore, or even better, speak kindly to the musings bringing me down, the sensors pushing on my nerves, the volatile talk I wouldn’t entertain if it were someone other than myself?
So why do it with me?
What about finding beauty within? Like a bouquet in full bloom. Blooms begin with the right soil, watering, light.
Remember the whisper of the heart’s landscape is speaking her desires, showing me what she wants. What’s best for her.
Harsh, scorching words are hardly the experience she needs.
Remember, be gentle with yourself.
There are no shortcuts to long-term results.
That is all.