(14)

Two weeks. Two weekends. Both on the other side, well, at least I can say this after today. 

I read something this morning of a person who challenged herself to go without social media and TV for 30 days, and she didn’t feel at all deprived, but accomplished things she though she either didn’t have time, or maybe energy to do. 

Tomorrow, maybe instead of watching TV, I can read instead. Not the whole evening, but maybe a few chapters before falling into self-comfort. 

Use my brain. Feed it. 

Walks when the sun goes down and it cools to an acceptable temperature to take Oscar out. 

Maybe coffee with a friend. Decaf. 

Card games. 

Let’s try to shake up the routine. 

(15)

Contrasts

Gratitude and grumbling. Polar opposites. Both take energy. One creates a smile, one a frown of discouragement. 

Encouragement sparks life. 

I remember the early days of Bill’s death, the darkness all around enveloping me from all sides. Often the only way I’d find a breakthrough were by recognizing the little moments at the top of my page–people, things in my life I could say I was truly grateful:

Sunshine. 

My girls. 

Coffee.

Dogs. 

Electricity. 

Sometimes I’d have to dig deep to find something, but when I do, there is always something more to be found.  

What I’ve discovered when I don’t—the lack takes over. Discouragement, internal dialog dictating that all is not well, my head and shoulders slouch at the thoughts. Before long, I’ve fallen into the abyss and I can’t get back up. And like all downers, I turn to something, or someone else, for comfort. 

Not a chance. I’m beginning to feel good. I’ve made it this far.