Posts
In the Middle of Alcohol-Free (Day 30)
Done. Over. Not the program, just me introspecting on this process. Sometimes I feel like if I continue to focus on it, I’ll want it more. Even if the focus is to not, the thoughts just make me think of it. Like moderation versus abstinence. Moderation has a continual thought process, while abstinence is absence…
In the Middle of Alcohol-Free (Day 29)
I had a horrid dream last night–the one you wake up, only to fall asleep and continue on in the same spot you left off. The end of the world is about to happen. Likely hurricane season and the news are responsible, but there’s a catastrophic wave in the near distance, and as a result,…
In the Middle of Alcohol-Free (Day 28)
This is why I share–so others know they are not alone out there in a battle. The world is lonely enough. The loneliness I feel is only enhanced with alcohol, and then depression has its way with me–surrounds me and slowly sucks the life out of me. Like a canary in a coal mine, alone,…
Do We Know THIS God? Part Four: Offerings
The following is from October, 2018, in which I have a supernatural moment of the scent variety. I hope it encourages you today. Journal entry October, 2018: A few mornings ago, I woke to a strong scent of peanut butter, as if someone placed it right under my nose. Immediately awakened, perplexed there was nothing…
In the Middle of Alcohol-Free (Day 27)
Scales I’ve avoided the scale for the entire month, knowing if I weighed and didn’t see results, it may, not by itself, but combined with any emotional downturn, cause excuses to why there’s no point to be on this program—because the scale has always been an influencer in my reactive behavior. But today I decided…
In the Middle of Alcohol-Free (Day 26)
Is it possible baseline jumping is responsible for more than stupidness, and is unintentionally the cause of dissatisfaction in the wonder of living our daily lives? Like the thrill factor forgets to factor in the fact that constant thrills cause all other thrills less enjoyment? I often tell my girls that their threshold for fun,…
In the Middle of Alcohol-Free (Day 25)
“Stay strong.” I see the orange post-it note from Aubrey from 2017–it says the same two words the alcohol-free video ends with today: Stay strong. Coincidence? Hardly. I have too much to lose. I have too much to gain. This is not the day to pat myself on the back and say, “Well done.” Or,…
I See Deadly People
I saw her as I entered the restroom. She was asleep in a chair in the lounge area. (Which always makes me wonder why on earth we would want to lounge around in a restroom anyway–outside of breast feeding and such). I knew her–not in the sense one knows someone, as I actually have never…
In the Middle of Alcohol-Free (Day 24)
It is said the “magic” occurs around the 60-90 day mark. It is a time when the transition takes place–one from the feeling of loss, to the feeling of gain. I’m not sure when the “magic” will happen for sure, but just knowing propels me on with the surprising excitement of a bunny coming out…
In the Middle of Alcohol-Free (Day 23)
Addictive Effect I listen to a podcast from the “spartan” man, interviewing some billionaire I’ve never heard of, when he comments about having an addictive personality–and it is a good thing. Always one to take personality tests, the new one being the enneagram. I am a solid ‘7’ (after taking three tests from different free…