hope

I’m Wanted, Not Needed

“She was enchanting.” Said of Meg Ryan’s character’s mom in my hands-down favorite film, You’ve Got Mail. Enchanting, perhaps because she was in her sweet spot, living life to the fullest, unlike her daughter, Kathleen (Meg), who was destined to be an author, but wrestled with ownership of the book store left to her after…

A Different Kind of Light

I went to see the fireworks the other night for the first time in years. They were wonderful–another milestone in the journey to find life outside of Bill. Each year, we entered the same conversation. I wanted to go see the “real” light show, while he made his way to the stands along the side…

Adjustments

I finished the book yesterday, the one given to me by a friend, the one she didn’t want to give me, but God kept at her until she reluctantly, fearfully obeyed. I understand why her reluctancy, since someone dies before the end. This was also the day, only an hour or so before, when another…

Love Pursuits

Meet Penelope, my new car. She is named after the infatuation interest of Pepe le Pew, the cartoon skunk who pursued the black cat, who accidentally had white paint poured on her back, which caused confusion to her identity. I say infatuation mildly, since the skunk was more of a stalker, and should’ve been arrested…

I Remember

I remember sitting in the bathtub, maybe a week or so after Bill died, feeling as if I was holding my breath, but without the ability to release with an exhale afterward. Like panic when we are under water and don’t know if we can hold it in another second, but find we are capable…

Life in the Here and Now

It’s early. The sprinklers hit the outside of the house every few seconds, reminding me of their need for adjustment. The air conditioner clicks on at this very moment, as if knowing full well the coffee is about to heat my insides into a hot flash. She comes on to save the day from needless…

Tree Limbs and Handprints

Aubrey and I spent the morning cutting down dead limbs from trees. Sun enters in to replace the dead branches. Fear enters in, reminding me the trees are only temporary. Bill worrying they may die, and the value diminish. How I try to look at their beauty, and not their existence.  … I see handprints…

Scratching the Surface

Sitting here this morning, tidying up this blog site as one does when one doesn’t want to actually work on writing something of significance, I notice a couple of drafts that never made it to publication–from August, 2018. One particular writing had to do with doors; my first post back from hibernation had to do with…

What’s My Why?

It has been awhile, now hasn’t it? Six months ago I decided to take a break from sharing my thoughts with you. As I am sure you are aware, the longer you are without, the easier it is to live without. I guess that is why I wander my fingers over the laptop, hoping they…

Glimpses of Life (8): Remission and Reminisce

This pops up on my timeline on Facebook, from one year ago today (May 17, 2016): O Happy Day! Bill’s scans came back clear and he’s officially in remission! Thank you God! And thank you for all your prayers and support! I sit here one year later so full of loss and sadness. I read…