#singlesoulinitiative

Stories to Guide Our Way

For a few weeks I’ve pondered the direction of this blog moving forward. Since 2015, at the onset of Bill’s illness, it has primarily centered around coping and maneuvering around life, when life is in chaos–and the aftershocks of earth-shattering grief, when life changes after death. Lately, I’ve thought of my calling in life. The…

When OMG is the Proper Response (Part 2 of 2)

Morning of May 10th, 2018: One year ago today, I began the journey at the kitchen table.  So desperate to breathe. So hurt I thought I couldn’t go on another moment, let alone a day, or a month, or a year.  I think of the rustling leaves I picked up at the lack of my…

Crossing Over

Standing on the side of the road, I see a group of deer attempt to cross the street to the other side. All make it, but one. I watch. She moves. Stops. Hesitates, as oncoming traffic halts her momentary courage. The road is clear. I will her on, “GO!” She waits. Another two-ton enemy approaches.…

I’m Wanted, Not Needed

“She was enchanting.” Said of Meg Ryan’s character’s mom in my hands-down favorite film, You’ve Got Mail. Enchanting, perhaps because she was in her sweet spot, living life to the fullest, unlike her daughter, Kathleen (Meg), who was destined to be an author, but wrestled with ownership of the book store left to her after…

A Different Kind of Light

I went to see the fireworks the other night for the first time in years. They were wonderful–another milestone in the journey to find life outside of Bill. Each year, we entered the same conversation. I wanted to go see the “real” light show, while he made his way to the stands along the side…

Adjustments

I finished the book yesterday, the one given to me by a friend, the one she didn’t want to give me, but God kept at her until she reluctantly, fearfully obeyed. I understand why her reluctancy, since someone dies before the end. This was also the day, only an hour or so before, when another…

A Mere Cutout of Oneself

I see the cardboard cutout of a girl on my run this morning. Her name is Sophia.  These decorated cutouts, around San Antonio, are part of a campaign to create awareness of children who often go unnoticed to abuse. I remember long ago a cutout of a boy who sat next to me in a…

Tree Limbs and Handprints

Aubrey and I spent the morning cutting down dead limbs from trees. Sun enters in to replace the dead branches. Fear enters in, reminding me the trees are only temporary. Bill worrying they may die, and the value diminish. How I try to look at their beauty, and not their existence.  … I see handprints…

Are You Okay?

The book, The War of Art, made its way out from the pile of books on the ground, in the corner of the room. I heard mention of its title in a couple of podcasts one day, like it was encouraging, or rather enticing me, to read it. Easy enough since I read it somewhere in…

Love in Full Bloom

I’m grateful for the fresh sod in my yard, and not the cemetery. The thought of being at the beginning of this journey without him, leaves me with an anxious feeling of hopelessness. Still, the pain at seeing the chairs being set up for a funeral, stirs a similar sensation. My heart crushes for the…